Pre-Marital Advice

You know...sitting through pre-marital class last night, I started compiling a list of the advice I would like to give but probably shouldn't. Not that this advice wouldn't be helpful, but that it would be a downer to anyone actually about to tie the knot. So instead of sending my class of 10 ewey, gooey couples into cardiac arrest about the BIGGEST DECISION they are making in their lives, I will refrain and allow my virtual alter ego post online in cyberspace whereas not to scare poor counselies:

1) He/She WILL become your Mother/Father. I know you don't see it now...but TRUST ME on this. By the slim chance that they don't become YOUR mother or father, they will become THEIR mother or father. Either way, there is going to be a family resemblance.

2) When you do end up fighting, notice I didn't say "IF", don't try to hide it from your friends and loved ones. We will immediately consider you suspect and won't trust you with anything else important...like providing the pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving.

3) Did I mention that you WILL eventually fight? Don't get depressed at the prospect, just try not to draw blood. If anything, it should reaffirm you to know that you are human and incapable of sharing toothpaste for an extended period of time.

4) In the long run, it won't matter a hill of beans what colors or styles your bridesmaids are wearing. As long as the bride, the groom, and the pastor show up...it's all good. Besides, no matter WHAT you pick, your dear Aunt Mabel isn't going to like it anyway and will take ample opportunity at the reception to discuss both her dislike for your color choice and how wide your dress makes you look. Pray your spouse doesn't bypass your parents and end up becoming dear Aunt Mabel.

5) Over the course of this event and the planning thereof, either her mother or his mother is going to have their feelings hurt. In all reality, it will be both.

6) Regardless of how much your parents are in agreement with your nuptials, his parents have talked at length about the brides' shortcomings and visaversa. It's just a fact of life. As parents, we have so closely monitored our children's decisions that we can't help but be skeptical. I mean, are we really supposed to completely trust the judgement of someone that decided at 15 to start claiming "street cred"? Not going to happen. If it escalates to the point of a Jerry Springer episode, you might want to call off the wedding.

7)If you don't like his mother now...you for SURE are not going to like her when the advice about rearing your first child starts to surface. If you don't like her mother....run now!!!

8) Please spend as much time picking your mate as you do picking your prom dress. The same goes for him...don't invest more energy in choosing your car than you do your potential wife. The perfect prom dress is rarely found after the first store and there are no lemon laws concerning wives.

9) If anyone tells you they are an expert in marriage, call your pastor immediately. There is a demon possessed person standing in front of you that needs to be excised.

10) All in all, your potential mate should be a perfect match in all realms: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. When all else fails, make sure that spiritual part works out...cause it's only by the GRACE of God that you're gonna make this thing work!

A little extra: We'll call it 10+

Consider ALL marital advice as suspect! That includes this blog.