Deep Thoughts From a Source...Albeit a STRANGE Source!

Sometimes you find wisdom in the strangest of places.

I don't know if it's because I'm cynical or because I'm jaded, but for the most part, I don't put a lot of stock in Christian television speakers. Now, I'm not saying they all reek of commercialism and greed, but the sad truth is that many people that say they come in the name of Jesus, have proven themselves to only be coming for that next pledge or donation.

In addition to this mistrust of television evangelists, I don't watch a lot of television. I do make an effort to watch it here and there (a little show called 'House' comes to mind), but for the most part, my ears don't perk up for anything other than a few sarcastic remarks from Hugh Laurie or the mesmerizing theme song for yet ANOTHER rerun of Law and Order that I will happily watch again. Added to this is the belief that anything on television during daylight hours is bound to destroy brain cells at a faster rate than huffing.

Imagine my surprise at finding myself watching Joyce Meyer this morning. For some unknown reason (divine appointment) I resisted the urge to turn off the tv and sat for a few minutes to watch. She was speaking on Boldness and Confidence...two areas that I fail in miserably.

This is the basic gist of the teaching:

1) You've been given an opportunity to ask for what you need and desire as long as it falls into the will of God.

2) Because of your position in the belief of Jesus, you have the ability to approach the Lord with confidence and boldness as spoken of in SEVERAL scriptures both Old and New with your petitions.

3) When we don't approach with confidence and boldness, it is out of false humility and fear (that sounds familiar).

4) We can't allow obstacles to keep us from doing the work that has been laid out for us. The Lord has put specific passions in our hearts for a reason. If you push through the obstacles and keep going, a blessing waits on the other side.

Wisdom. Even when it comes out of a tv. Say what you want about faith, but I think its UNCANNY how God will go the extra mile to make the same point twice to reaffirm that you're on the right path. Makes it easy for those of us that are cynical and not so good with directions.

Fear and the Sweater

Today has been a strange day. A day of thinking and wondering...a day of questions and reflection...a day where I'm LOOKING for something. These kind of days are both awesome, and trying. Awesome if you are given some wisdom, and dismally trying if you don't get any.

I've been thinking about fear the last few days... especially today. Fear about the plans that God has for you, fear about what others may think of those plans, fear about having no plan at all, or WORSE... following your own plan when its SO obvious that its yours instead of His.

I would say that my fear falls into the second category. I think that's true of a lot of
Christians. Sometimes we argue ourselves out of what God's told us to do just because the dream is SO large and SO unrealistic, that we hide in uncertainty without ever using our gifts as effectively as we could. You hide your passion and dole out just a tad at a time to keep from revealing the unabridged version to those around you...even people that you trust with many other things.

Sometimes the fear of appearing prideful makes us cowardly.

I don't think its prideful to speak with authority what God tells YOU to say. It's not prideful to be given a gift that is better expressed in a group setting. It's not prideful to be bubbling over with excitement to tell someone the latest bit of wisdom you've been given. In fact, its prideful not to: That means we've allow ourselves to start believing that by reeling in our gifting, we've made the right decision. That decision isn't ours to make.

Life is strange. It's like someone giving you a sweater at Christmas and saying..."Thanks so much for this gift. I know you thought a lot of me to give it to me, and I think its' really great....but I'm not going to wear it out of the house. I just don't want anyone else to see it. I'm worried what they would think."

I wonder if He sits there shaking his head in bewilderment. I'm sure he does, but I don't think it ends there. I think he looks for someone else to send a sweater.

Stop for Pedestrians in Crosswalk

I'm sure I've seen these signs a thousand times over, but when I saw it this morning, God jumped on it as an opportunity to share with me something that I think affects anyone that has ever been in ministry.

This is the warning sign that I wish all Christians wore around their necks as reminders. How many times in the past have I known of a hurt, or of someone in need of encouragement, but let my own life and trials keep me from "stopping" for them. Oh I might slow down a little, I might even give them a brief pause long enough to hear that there is a problem, but then...its right back up to mock speed without really stopping long enough to give any life to the situation. The sad truth of the matter is, it's an inconvenience to my life at the time. Oh... I know. We would all like to believe that we've never gotten into that pattern in leadership, but I don't think many of us can honestly say we've never been there, or never left someone in need behind shivering in our wake.

It's time to take inventory and realize its a problem, admit past defeat, and then try to have it happen less. That's the bright lining! Its a problem that can be fixed by being more concerned about listening for discernment, then with the birthday party that we have to be at that afternoon. If we want to be Christlike in our leadership, then we have to realize that what he's called us to do is more than a pause...more than a yield and a "I'll be praying for you". It's a STOP: A complete cessation of motion until the hazard is avoided or diverted.

That's what kind of leader I want to be: One that takes enough time to take care of 'pedestrians' in their 'crosswalk'. Not pausing just long enough to feel like I've made a difference, but STOPPING long enough to KNOW I've made one.

Why Christian?

I dabbled with religion all the way through high school and college. I was interested in EVERY religion other than Christianity. Christianity just seemed the most idiotic and illogical. (I see now that my view was very tarnished by propaganda thinking considering every major religion focuses on faith rather than logic.) I got very into philosophy during college and became really disenfranchised with all religions. (Think Marx and the whole "opiate of the masses" argument)

I decided to stop searching and considered myself to be atheist. Didn't start looking again until God showed me that it wasn't so much about me finding my own answers as it was allowing myself to be guided by his.

I still question eveything. LOL God just "grew" me that way. But, I have had enough experiences now that I don't really question my faith to the point of unbelief. Faith isn't about knowing all the answers, it's about believing when you don't.

Eternal Perspective

I guess I'm starting to get nervous. I have to speak on Monday to a large group of women, and as grateful as I am for the opportunity, I can't help focusing on what I'm going to say of if it will have any impact. When you put yourself out there for God, you're hoping to make a difference for SOMEONE...anyone really. I started thinking about all of the things that have happened in my life and how my perspective has changed so much, even though the circumstances stand unchanged.



I was pregnant and unmarried at 17. Not that big of a shocker in this day and age, but it rocked to the core my Bible belt family. Needless to say, it was a very unplanned and unwanted pregnancy. As I struggled through college and a terrible marriage...I dwell ed on how God didn't protect me...didn't watch out for me. How I was left to suffer the consequences when I saw a lot of girls doing the same thing...maybe doing it even more....and they never ended up pregnant. I thought about it when I had to decline walking in my high school graduation. I thought about it when I would go to the grocery store and get disapproving looks from older women. I thought about it as a single mother struggling to make it out of college with two jobs and a little girl. I thought about it a lot and I never got an answer.



Fast forward a few years. I grew up. I became a believer. I changed. I got an eternal perspective. Was it that God didn't protect me? No. After all, statistically I should have gotten an STD? Was it that God didn't watch out for me? No. I never wanted for anything and always had plenty. In fact, although I struggled, I beat the odds and graduated from college with high marks.

I get it now. My vision isn't short sighted...it's long term. All those years when I thought that God had abandoned me and took revenge, he was really being merciful. Instead of all of the bad things that could have happened...he took one look at me and decided that he would make me a mother. He gave me the opportunity to be "Mommy" to a great kid.

See what I mean? Same outcome, different outlook. He didn't curse me with a teenage pregnancy...he blessed me in spite of my sinfulness. Sometimes I think a lot of the bad things that happen to us in life are like this. Maybe if we could see the big picture, we would understand what he has in store for all of us. If we could get over our shortsightedness we could see how differently tragedies look with eternity in mind.

Fishers of Men

As I was running last night (it still never ceases to amaze me that I can think at all while dying), I started thinking about how I've been asked to share my testimony at an upcoming women's meeting. In between gasps, I mentally asked God why I would have ANYTHING of interest to add to a meeting like that. How in the world could I be a story that would inspire others? Why in the world would I be asked to do something like that when I am the LEAST likely person to elloquently witness? WHAT in the world is God thinking!?!?!

I started thinking about fishing. Fishers of men: That's what the word says. He said "Come with me and I will make you fishers of men". I started thinking about the act of fishing. How sometimes, to catch a certain fish, you have to fish in the right area. Sometimes, you have to fish in the right season or the right temperature. Sometimes you even have to fish with the right bait...all depending on what type of fish you are after.

Maybe fishing for men is the same concept. Maybe there are people out there that regardless of how inadequate we feel to share...maybe our "bait" is the only thing that will make a difference to others. Maybe I have to be a witness to people that only trust others that make a mess of things first.

Maybe we shouldn't look toward our inadequacies to witness as excuses but actually start looking at them as being the reason that we're to witness at all. Maybe my witness is important BECAUSE of my inadequcy.

Deal or No Deal.

Last night, I had the rare opportunity to actually watch a little television. Flipping through the channels, I barely took notice of the "big brother" shows or the cop drama. I kept right on flipping until I got the the game show Deal or No Deal. And there, much to my husband's dismay, I sat the remote aside and concentrated all of my attention on whether some amateur baseball player was going to walk away from the table $1,000,000 richer.

The premise of the show is easy enough. The contestant is given a case in which it holds a certain amount of money. A large number of scantily clad women appear on the stage with identical cases that contain various amounts of money anywhere from .01 to 1,000,000. The contestant must choose cases one at a time, and the amount that is in each case is no longer available to the contestant. Throughout the game, the "banker" will make offers to the contestant to entice the player to step away from the game with a "settlement" amount. If the player decides to decline the offer, than that contestant gets to pick more cases before being offered a settlement again. The whole idea of the game is to keep that 1,000,000 case from being opened, in which case, the contestant becomes 1 million dollars richer.

So, last night, I sat with baited breath waiting to see if this guy was going to win it all. Starting off, the man was confident that he was going to take home the million. Time went on, cases were opened and still, the 1,000,000 case was still available. The banker made counter offers trying to get him to stop playing. He opened more cases. His chances were looking better and better. The banker made another offer. More cases were opened...his chances were better still. It was risky, but he was still in the game, the prize was still within his reach. The banker made yet another offer...a good offer. More cases, no million. Still in the running, but the man's demeanor started to waiver...how in the world was he actually going to get the million? The banker gave him an offer, and then...the man that was SO convinced that his case had the million...just upped and quit. He settled. Sure it was for 100K dollars! A good deal of money to walk away with. But not the prize that his sights had been set on at first. Far from it. He had settled big time.

After the players walk away from the game, they always continue through and ask the contestant what cases they would have opened next. He kept choosing and each time, there wasn't 1,000,000 in the women's cases. As it turns out, he was holding the million dollar case the entire time. The prize that he wanted and was sure that he would be blessed with was always within his reach.

I felt bad for the guy! But more importantly, I started thinking about how this is just like how we treat God's promises. So many times we want the big blessing, we start off believing that He wants to give us the big blessing. But then, as time goes on and trials come and other offers surface, we start to doubt that we either A) deserve the blessing or that B) God has the blessing for us in the first place.

Can you imagine what like would be like if we just said "No deal"...."I'm not settling anymore for less than the absolute BEST that God has for me!" It's risky, no doubt. But everything in life is about taking chances. I figure my chances with God have GOT to be better than the deals I am willing to settle for in life.

Sometimes, its up to us.

So, the queen of personal responsibility is having issues with.......personal responsibility. Crazy, huh? As I've gotten older, I think I have been sucessful in taking a lot of responsibility for my life. I struggled through college and took the job I didn't want, to eventually get the job I do. I am fiscally responsible and live pretty well below my means. My spending is always tempered with my saving. I try to cultivate a home of grace and peace (failing miserably most of the time) and take care to instill in my children the awesome opportunity that responsibility presents.

So where's the breakdown? What area have I not taken by the horns and given an ol' college try? Church Leadership. Over the last several years, while growing deeper in my faith, I've really wanted to step into women's leadership more at our church. So, what is my tactic? No tactic. None. In fact, so far all I have done is sit around and pout that I haven't been given more opportunities.

We're like that with the things of God, aren't we? The rest of the world might tremble in our wake, but we are plagued with the inability to move in and take possession of the work that God has for us. We let our feelings of inferiority, our pride, our distraction...just about anything keep us from stepping out and holding ourselves responsible.

How is that an assertive person can be so effective following their personal path, yet fail so miserably to make headway on a God ORDAINED path?