I can't think....

Of anything else witty. So look at this! Have you ever seen such a perfectly round, bald head before???!!!!

Oh yeah....TWO memberships!

So, a good friend of mine (well, I think she's good. Sometimes I sense a "darkness" about her...but that's just mostly when we're running) sent me this blog link to a woman lamenting the fact that she pays approximately $157 every time she enters the gym due to her sporadic attendance. Coming from someone that hasn't entered her gyms...yes PLURAL...gymSSSSS in over 5 months, I just wanted to take a moment to say that her level of commitment to wasting money does not impress me!!! What an amateur! I can beat that.

Now,I may not actually be able to PHYSICALLY beat that because as I have already mentioned...I don't actually visit my gymSSSSS. However, I can FIGURATIVELY beat that all day long. It is a horrible misappropriation of budgeting to own a gym membership that you never intend to use. Think of all the bags of potato chips or slurpees you could be buying with that hard earned money! The possibilities for snack food is endless.

But once you are indeed the owner to TWO memberships that you never intend to use...that's when you enter the same plane as the giants! That's when you've taken it to the next level and elevated your personal level of sloveness to new heights!

It's like settling for a size 14 pair of pants when you COULD be wearing a 16! Where is your follow through...you sense of dedication??!!!

I know there are others out there like me. They're thinking......I NEED another one!!! Why have I placed a glass ceiling on myself? I need TWO gymSSSS that I never intend to frequent. Don't be afraid!!! I am NOT unique...you TOO can have multiple gymSSSS and plenty of excuses for not going to them. REACH FOR THE STARS!!!!

Fishers of Men

As I was running last night (it still never ceases to amaze me that I can think at all while dying), I started thinking about how I've been asked to share my testimony at an upcoming women's meeting. In between gasps, I mentally asked God why I would have ANYTHING of interest to add to a meeting like that. How in the world could I be a story that would inspire others? Why in the world would I be asked to do something like that when I am the LEAST likely person to elloquently witness? WHAT in the world is God thinking!?!?!

I started thinking about fishing. Fishers of men: That's what the word says. He said "Come with me and I will make you fishers of men". I started thinking about the act of fishing. How sometimes, to catch a certain fish, you have to fish in the right area. Sometimes, you have to fish in the right season or the right temperature. Sometimes you even have to fish with the right bait...all depending on what type of fish you are after.

Maybe fishing for men is the same concept. Maybe there are people out there that regardless of how inadequate we feel to share...maybe our "bait" is the only thing that will make a difference to others. Maybe I have to be a witness to people that only trust others that make a mess of things first.

Maybe we shouldn't look toward our inadequacies to witness as excuses but actually start looking at them as being the reason that we're to witness at all. Maybe my witness is important BECAUSE of my inadequcy.

Pre-Marital Advice

You know...sitting through pre-marital class last night, I started compiling a list of the advice I would like to give but probably shouldn't. Not that this advice wouldn't be helpful, but that it would be a downer to anyone actually about to tie the knot. So instead of sending my class of 10 ewey, gooey couples into cardiac arrest about the BIGGEST DECISION they are making in their lives, I will refrain and allow my virtual alter ego post online in cyberspace whereas not to scare poor counselies:

1) He/She WILL become your Mother/Father. I know you don't see it now...but TRUST ME on this. By the slim chance that they don't become YOUR mother or father, they will become THEIR mother or father. Either way, there is going to be a family resemblance.

2) When you do end up fighting, notice I didn't say "IF", don't try to hide it from your friends and loved ones. We will immediately consider you suspect and won't trust you with anything else important...like providing the pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving.

3) Did I mention that you WILL eventually fight? Don't get depressed at the prospect, just try not to draw blood. If anything, it should reaffirm you to know that you are human and incapable of sharing toothpaste for an extended period of time.

4) In the long run, it won't matter a hill of beans what colors or styles your bridesmaids are wearing. As long as the bride, the groom, and the pastor show up...it's all good. Besides, no matter WHAT you pick, your dear Aunt Mabel isn't going to like it anyway and will take ample opportunity at the reception to discuss both her dislike for your color choice and how wide your dress makes you look. Pray your spouse doesn't bypass your parents and end up becoming dear Aunt Mabel.

5) Over the course of this event and the planning thereof, either her mother or his mother is going to have their feelings hurt. In all reality, it will be both.

6) Regardless of how much your parents are in agreement with your nuptials, his parents have talked at length about the brides' shortcomings and visaversa. It's just a fact of life. As parents, we have so closely monitored our children's decisions that we can't help but be skeptical. I mean, are we really supposed to completely trust the judgement of someone that decided at 15 to start claiming "street cred"? Not going to happen. If it escalates to the point of a Jerry Springer episode, you might want to call off the wedding.

7)If you don't like his mother now...you for SURE are not going to like her when the advice about rearing your first child starts to surface. If you don't like her mother....run now!!!

8) Please spend as much time picking your mate as you do picking your prom dress. The same goes for him...don't invest more energy in choosing your car than you do your potential wife. The perfect prom dress is rarely found after the first store and there are no lemon laws concerning wives.

9) If anyone tells you they are an expert in marriage, call your pastor immediately. There is a demon possessed person standing in front of you that needs to be excised.

10) All in all, your potential mate should be a perfect match in all realms: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. When all else fails, make sure that spiritual part works out...cause it's only by the GRACE of God that you're gonna make this thing work!

A little extra: We'll call it 10+

Consider ALL marital advice as suspect! That includes this blog.

Deal or No Deal.

Last night, I had the rare opportunity to actually watch a little television. Flipping through the channels, I barely took notice of the "big brother" shows or the cop drama. I kept right on flipping until I got the the game show Deal or No Deal. And there, much to my husband's dismay, I sat the remote aside and concentrated all of my attention on whether some amateur baseball player was going to walk away from the table $1,000,000 richer.

The premise of the show is easy enough. The contestant is given a case in which it holds a certain amount of money. A large number of scantily clad women appear on the stage with identical cases that contain various amounts of money anywhere from .01 to 1,000,000. The contestant must choose cases one at a time, and the amount that is in each case is no longer available to the contestant. Throughout the game, the "banker" will make offers to the contestant to entice the player to step away from the game with a "settlement" amount. If the player decides to decline the offer, than that contestant gets to pick more cases before being offered a settlement again. The whole idea of the game is to keep that 1,000,000 case from being opened, in which case, the contestant becomes 1 million dollars richer.

So, last night, I sat with baited breath waiting to see if this guy was going to win it all. Starting off, the man was confident that he was going to take home the million. Time went on, cases were opened and still, the 1,000,000 case was still available. The banker made counter offers trying to get him to stop playing. He opened more cases. His chances were looking better and better. The banker made another offer. More cases were opened...his chances were better still. It was risky, but he was still in the game, the prize was still within his reach. The banker made yet another offer...a good offer. More cases, no million. Still in the running, but the man's demeanor started to waiver...how in the world was he actually going to get the million? The banker gave him an offer, and then...the man that was SO convinced that his case had the million...just upped and quit. He settled. Sure it was for 100K dollars! A good deal of money to walk away with. But not the prize that his sights had been set on at first. Far from it. He had settled big time.

After the players walk away from the game, they always continue through and ask the contestant what cases they would have opened next. He kept choosing and each time, there wasn't 1,000,000 in the women's cases. As it turns out, he was holding the million dollar case the entire time. The prize that he wanted and was sure that he would be blessed with was always within his reach.

I felt bad for the guy! But more importantly, I started thinking about how this is just like how we treat God's promises. So many times we want the big blessing, we start off believing that He wants to give us the big blessing. But then, as time goes on and trials come and other offers surface, we start to doubt that we either A) deserve the blessing or that B) God has the blessing for us in the first place.

Can you imagine what like would be like if we just said "No deal"...."I'm not settling anymore for less than the absolute BEST that God has for me!" It's risky, no doubt. But everything in life is about taking chances. I figure my chances with God have GOT to be better than the deals I am willing to settle for in life.

Weather, smeather

What in the world? No seriously....WHAT IN THE WORLD?!?!?!

60 degrees in the morning and an expected accumulation of an inch of snow by tonight? The only goes to further my theory that the gubment DOES indeed control the weather and that we are merely pawns in this fiasco. Somehow though, the good citizens of Arizona have avoided detection up until this point. Strange.

I know that we need sunshine for the golf course, but I teeter back and forth between purchasing stock in Watson's and North Face. I guess I'll go with North Face. They don't seem to promote their products with sexy, half-dressed spokeswomen. Although I have to give Watson's mad props for advertising their pools and spas with flotation devices. That shows forethought!