Fear and the Sweater

Today has been a strange day. A day of thinking and wondering...a day of questions and reflection...a day where I'm LOOKING for something. These kind of days are both awesome, and trying. Awesome if you are given some wisdom, and dismally trying if you don't get any.

I've been thinking about fear the last few days... especially today. Fear about the plans that God has for you, fear about what others may think of those plans, fear about having no plan at all, or WORSE... following your own plan when its SO obvious that its yours instead of His.

I would say that my fear falls into the second category. I think that's true of a lot of
Christians. Sometimes we argue ourselves out of what God's told us to do just because the dream is SO large and SO unrealistic, that we hide in uncertainty without ever using our gifts as effectively as we could. You hide your passion and dole out just a tad at a time to keep from revealing the unabridged version to those around you...even people that you trust with many other things.

Sometimes the fear of appearing prideful makes us cowardly.

I don't think its prideful to speak with authority what God tells YOU to say. It's not prideful to be given a gift that is better expressed in a group setting. It's not prideful to be bubbling over with excitement to tell someone the latest bit of wisdom you've been given. In fact, its prideful not to: That means we've allow ourselves to start believing that by reeling in our gifting, we've made the right decision. That decision isn't ours to make.

Life is strange. It's like someone giving you a sweater at Christmas and saying..."Thanks so much for this gift. I know you thought a lot of me to give it to me, and I think its' really great....but I'm not going to wear it out of the house. I just don't want anyone else to see it. I'm worried what they would think."

I wonder if He sits there shaking his head in bewilderment. I'm sure he does, but I don't think it ends there. I think he looks for someone else to send a sweater.