Ode to Graduate School

This isn't really an ode....it's just more like a tirade.

In my quest for self-punishment, I foolishly decided that grad school would be a really great choice for me this year. This decision turned out to be in line with the majority of decisions that have come before it.....dim sighted. What the heck was I thinking??? There's a distinct possibility that I need some kind of 12 step program for self-abasement. What's next? Flogging myself? Am I really not that far removed from the albino wackjob in The Di Vinci Code? (Excellent performance by Paul Bettany, by the way!)

So here's another rousing top ten list of things I can't stand or confuse me about graduate school:

10)As hard as it is to believe, I'm actually paying quite a bit of money for this torture.

9) Why haven't any long term studies been done on the relationship between childbearing and decreased brain mass? Inquiring (albeit...forgetful and disoriented) minds want to know!

8) Why do the youth of today hate me?

7) It is really unnecessary to have a Ph.D if your eventual career path leads you in a direction to point out my shortcomings.

6) Seriously....what use is a Master's Degree these days? I'd be better off sitting at home and honing my Guitar Hero skills. That will probably be more impressive on the resume that I will someday submit to a previous UCA student that failed to matriculate due to their addiction to gaming but whose future employment was not impacted when they invented the latest and greatest Facebook application that sweeps the nation.

5) When does reiteration start to resemble 'line writing' like we did for swearing? Cause that's where I want to take my papers...right up to before that threshold to make my page minimums. (If you have no idea what 'line writing' is, I promise you will find nothing of use or value on this blog)

4) Do I really need to know that George Washington wasn't our first president? Seriously? Is there a half penny or something that I don't know about? Is it still in circulation??? Has anyone stopped to consider how fragile my foundation in primary education is? The realization that I have been improperly schooled about such a pivotal piece of education might bring the whole house of learning cards down on me. What next? Bill Clinton wasn't really a jogger??? Where does the madness end?

3) How in the heck am I supposed to excel in graduate school when I can't even figure out how to open the intranet to get my freakin' homework assignments?

2) Wanna know how every single downfall through out civilization has occurred? GROUP WORK! The dark ages? It broke out after a little group work. Spanish Inquisition? Group work. Cold War? A little thing called group work. The implosion of the Challenger? Group work there too. Get the picture?

1) Graduate school just BITES!!!